Pohlaxed

Visitation

2011-11-29T22:43:00.001-05:00

My poem, Visitation, is now up at the online journal, Pilgrim. It is in good company there with a companion poem, St. Anne's Oratory, by Philip C. Kolin, a much more accomplished poet than I.

http://www.pilgrimjournal.com/index.html

'Tis the Season

2011-11-02T21:42:00.000-04:00

My article, 'Tis the Season...for a fresh start, about the liturgical calendar, is in the November issue of Catholic Digest magazine, which also happens to be the magazine's 75th anniversary issue. The first issue of Catholic Digest was published in November 1936 in the depths of the Great Depression.

It's Apocalyptic

2011-09-28T21:09:00.000-04:00

Adding some classical and international cache to this parochial blog: My poem, Seven Cities of the Apocalypse, and a photo I took at Laodicea in Turkey, one of the seven cities, are now out in Issue #7, page 11 of The Right Eyed Deer magazine. A free pdf download of the zine is available at the link:

http://therighteyeddeer.weebly.com/issue-seven.html

Crime and Poetry

2011-08-14T22:15:00.016-04:00

Crime and poetry, not words usually associated with each other. Here at Pohlaxed we love poetry, at least the kind readers other than the poet can understand. I even write a poem now and then. And on occassion I write a crime story. But they are two spheres of my writing life that rarely overlap. Who would think there was such a place as a webzine devoted to crime poetry - and that it might actually inspire a crime story at another webzine? Welcome to Poetic Justice Press. And Beat to a Pulp, which recently featured a story, If You Only Knew, written by John Stickney, who was inspired by Mary Christine Delea's poem If You Only Knew How Easy It Is To Break Into My House, which appeared in Issue 4 of The Lineup: poems on crime, published by Poetic Justice Press. Enjoy.

Max - A Dog's Life

2011-06-28T18:48:00.003-04:00

A guest post by my friend Robert Moriarty

This morning we destroyed one of our dogs, Max. He was a hard dog to like on first meeting. Although he was likely a purebred Maltese, he was very likely from a puppy mill. He had a congenital collapsed trachea which caused him to cough and choke virtually all day and all night. On Sunday age or an infection worsened his breathing to the point he was choking to death. He hacked for 11 years.

He had four homes, all within the same family. The first was a young couple who bought him, surely cute, from some shop or breeder. He did not cough much a as puppy. When their human child became too rough with Max the grandmother adopted him. This is where he did his best work. He was a superb companion dog. My New York mother-in-law doted on him terribly and lived such that Max could not really go outside. He learned to eliminate on a paper diaper pad and make the best of life indoors. Later in life he never really bought into housebreaking and was an Olympic napper. His finest hour was against the rats. As his owner’s eyesight failed her home was invaded by rodents. Despite his own lousy eyesight he kept them at bay as only a tiny dog of European ancestry could do. His most valiant stands occurred in the dark of night. He went with his mistress to live with her daughter and his spoiled indoor life continued for a few years. Unfortunately he was not top dog. He lived with two Chihuahuas, who snapped and yipped as only those Mexicans can. His mistress died. This three-dog house was pretty stressed and he came to my family as a sort of respite program.

I already had two larger rambunctious dogs. Humane societies don’t even allow tiny dogs to join such packs. Max did not have a good nose; it was dry and warm, almost dehydrated. His coat was a nightmare. His claws were gross. He could barely climb stairs due to his couch potato lifestyle. He begged to be carried, not something I relished. He was not housebroken. The choking, coughing and snoring went on 20 hours per day.

Yet he won me over. I admired his defense of the homestead. He’s the only dog I ever had who barked at televised dogs. He barked aggressively at dogs at distances my other dogs found unimpressive. He barked so hard his emanations lifted him off his feet. Never a fussy eater despite his past he ate the large cheap kibble I bought for the big dogs. He fit into big dog society. He was careful to let them flood through a door before him, but assertive enough to share their dog bowls without fighting. He adapted by improving his physical fitness. He improved housebreaking just enough to keep me hopeful. He taught me to carry him on demand.

Funny how we learn from the unexpected. This dog fit in, adapted, overcame his terrible birth defect. I have to say he succeeded.

WAYE Sang the News in the 70s

2011-06-02T10:58:00.006-04:00

Am I delusional or just the only one who remembers the singing news on WAYE -AM radio in Baltimore during the early 70s? As I recall, the opening bumper ditty for the news went like this, "WAYE now sings the news - with social comments and far out views." Anyone else out there remember this? Do any tapes exist?

I Went to the Store and Helped Clear a Robbery

2011-05-12T08:53:00.000-04:00

After dinner yesterday evening I went to Pep Boys on Rt 40 in Catonsville to get a headlight bulb and two quarts of oil. While I was installing the headlight bulb a grab and run robbery took place. I got a few quick photos of the suspects' car, license plate and a nice shot of the occupants through the windshield before they drove off. They were apprehended a short time later with the stolen power tools still in the car as they headed east on Rt 40. Felt like the old days on the BPD.

A Trek to True Religion

2011-01-30T10:50:00.026-05:00

Another guest post from my friend Robert Moriarty, afoot in Washington with a sense of urgency.

I don’t like the gym, so I try to walk every day. I often walk from L’Enfant to DuPont which takes 50 minutes, 3 miles I estimate. It is an interesting route. Despite being very happy to have male plumbing rather than female, my prostate is not my friend. Last time the doctor snapped off the rubber gloves he said, “Well you don’t have the prostate of a 19 year-old.” “I haven’t passed that way in decades Doc. Put me on the transplant list!” No transplants for prostates, so during my daily hike I usually have to urinate. I have three haunts for this errand, Lucky Bar, The Mayflower and Filene’s Basement. All are about two-thirds of the way on my journey, providing varying degrees of accommodation.

Lucky Bar is the quickest. It's a green Biker bar, a pedallers hangout. Mostly couriers, a scruffy bunch that clogs the sidewalk with bicycles that are either purposely ugly or show a minimalist high-tech display of huge expense. One style would seem to discourage theft, the other to encourage it. Other contradictions exist; they smoke a lot in combination with their exercise lifestyle. Lucky's is sometimes guarded by a doorman. He once asked me for a picture ID. I would have protested that in America we do not have a requirement to carry such identification, but my bladder deprived me of my constitutional rights. On Fridays it is useless, so crowded with drinkers that outside urinators need not apply.

The Mayflower is the classiest. I open my outerwear to display my usual coat and tie as my entry credentials. Often welcomed by the doorman I stride the lobby with as much confidence as Elliot Spitzer. I walk the long corridor peeking into corporate cocktail parties and what appear to be private wedding parties. My body language announces I am likely to dip in for a drink or canapé, but I only veer into the staircase that leads to the men’s room, as well as JFK’s pre-presidential apartment wing, now a non-descript piece of real estate lacking even a concierge. The facilities are top-notch providing hand cream and Kleenex after use of the electronic urinals (those are measurement devices, right?). With every visit I remember my Senior Prom. Like Lucky Bar, the Mayflower men's room is sometimes off limits. When no parties are upstairs they lock it to keep out vagrants and to keep out me.

Filene’s is the most consistently reliable relief station, albeit a long walk through the merchandise. I read that single men shopping are shoplifting suspects. I politely eyeball the goods, but never touch. The gallery of men’s underwear is enormous and begs the question: "Who pays that much for underwear?” The boys from Lucky Bar? Maybe. Elliot Spitzer? Likely. The packaging photography is ambiguously erotic. Is it meant to appeal to men or women? Since Filene’s inventory is a wide mix of overstocks, one comes upon surprising goods. On a tower near the elevator (I take the stairs like all boosters) I found a rack of hats, like British sports car hats mixed with vinyl travel shaving kits, Dopp kits we used to call them. Filene’s promotes such racks with special signs, perhaps “Bill Blass” or “Take 20% off Ticketed Price”. But this rack had the sign: “True Religion”. Relieved after my trip to the second floor, I swept by it barely absorbing what I assumed was an odd, but hip, brand name. I wondered: For the hats or for the shaving kits? Both?

The next day it hit me. Did I walk past the opportunity of a lifetime? Was the sign truthful? Was true religion to be found at Filene’s Basement? Don’t we so often ignore the little voice within us, or in this case, the plain evidence put before us? Is true religion to be found in the hats or the kits? I will make the pilgrimage again.

The Office of Missing Soldiers

2011-01-25T10:23:00.001-05:00

This guest post from my friend Robert Moriarty.

I try to get to work on time, a lifelong habit appreciated by no one. I leave home early and if Metro behaves, I walk from Chinatown to L'Enfant to burn up the time and calories while seeking inner peace on this 17-minute downhill walk. For years I have passed Clara Barton's office, The Office of Missing Soldiers. It is an artifact hole-in-the-wall marked with a plaque for this founder of the Red Cross who offered succor to soldiers in that dreadful conflict. It is always locked and neglected, occasionally marked by a Chinese food carry-out menu (Would Clara understand that concept?). Lately I noticed some new signage, Park Service style, something about how Yankee soldiers were short of socks (what about the poor Rebels?).

Today there was a plastic sign like you might see in a small shop window, OPEN on one side CLOSED on the other. Oddly it was flipped to OPEN. I chuckled and walked past. Then I stopped and returned, twisted the ancient doorknob and it yielded. I stepped into The Office of Missing Soldiers and climbed the staircase, longer than a story, less than two. The place was brightly lit with those temporary construction light bulbs in yellow plastic cages. The place was stripped of furniture but there seemed to be period wallpaper, plaster and lathe, balusters and wood work. The floors were obviously old but too dirty to be appreciated. I walked from small mysterious room to room via narrow hallways and found a modern elevator which molested its surroundings as little as you might wish. Then I heard murmuring from a street-fronting room. I gingerly approached. I found in that room the last thing I ever expected to find at 8:00AM January 25, 2011. Perhaps two dozen soldiers, in battle dress, seated on folding chairs, politely listening to a lecture. Did I find the Missing Soldiers?

Fiction, Nonfiction and Journalism

2011-01-06T07:31:00.010-05:00

There's fiction, there's nonfiction and there's what you read in the newspaper - or on the internet. Courtesy of Ric Cottom's Your Maryland at WYPR - FM. www.wypr.org

Think Hammett Never Wrote About Baltimore?

2010-12-28T22:38:00.014-05:00

Think again. For Baltimore, Dashiell Hammett, who learned the detective trade in the local Pinkerton office, created the anti-Bond before there was a Bond. In The Assistant Murderer we meet Rush - Alec Rush, the world's ugliest detective. A man with a bulldog's face, a croaking voice, the body and moves of a bear, and a golden smile. Welcome to Baltimore, Hon!

Hammett's favorite among his five novels was The Glass Key, set in an unnamed east coast city. If the city isn't Baltimore and it's train station Mount Royal Station, I'll eat my fedora.

For a Baltimore short story homage to Hammett here's
A Bad Day at the Office.

The Perils of Being a Restaurant Critic

2010-12-23T09:13:00.006-05:00

The Baltimore Sun recently brought on board a new restaurant critic after the retirement of their previous restaurant columnist of thirty years. Then the editors asked him to do a 50 Best Restaurants article. Oh, the horror! Into the valley of death rode Richard Gorelick, where he omitted one of the best loved restaurants in the city. Unsaid restaurant, Tio Pepe, thereby received more free positive publicity, due to the ensuing chorus of outrage, than it would have gotten if it had been listed at #1.

The restaurant is one of my daughter Kristen's favorites, as well as mine and her mother's.

Kristen took up her keyboard to avenge the dishonor of her beloved Tio. Still receiving no satisfaction, relentless in the pursuit of justice for Tio Pepe, she cornered the doomed Richard Gorelick, live on the air at WYPR and demanded that he stand and deliver.

You can see her written inquisition as the number 2 response as posted here by Richard Gorelick in his blog:

And you can hear her on air audio assault here.

Anybody Else Here Feel Cold?

2010-12-11T00:57:00.007-05:00

Last December we had a good size early season snow storm, then the February blizzard that broke all previous records for storm and seasonal snow accumulation. Now in December again we are having unseasonably cold weather, while London and Paris are snowed in and setting records lows for this time of year. Gasoline is headed for $3.00+ and heating oil prices are rising as fast as the temperature is falling. Good thing we're calling it climate change now instead of global warming. All bets are covered. Of course it could be I'm just getting old. Where are those damned wool socks?

Out on the Town in DC

2010-12-09T20:39:00.002-05:00

Last Sunday I went over to DC, met my friend Bob Moriarty at the Hirshhorn Museum, aka “The Donut,” saw a screening of John Garfield in the 1948 noir film, Force of Evil, at the National Gallery, then had dinner in Chinatown - a good outing on an unseasonably cold and windy evening. The Hirshhorn is on the site formerly occupied by the Army Medical Museum, always a mandatory stop for area boys on any trip downtown when we were kids. Didn't see the human artifact of urban legend this trip either.

The Scene of the Crime

2010-11-19T00:03:00.008-05:00

About that body in Leakin Park....the scene of the crime. Usually they are killed elsewhere and dumped in the park. Not this time. http://tinyurl.com/ce2aps

A Walk in the Park

2010-11-18T23:54:00.011-05:00

Went for a walk in Baltimore's Leakin Park on Sunday. Didn't trip over any bodies. Did see a deer near the scene of the photo. That's a wetlands boardwalk, so I could cross dry shod over damp but holy ground. Meanwhile, a few hundred yards away, the Nature Center was burglarized over the weekend by...two enterprising local youths. http://tinyurl.com/2dwhtdy

That Could Never Happen Here - We'll Do It There

2010-10-01T20:25:00.008-04:00

In a previous post, That Could Never Happen Here, I discussed a certain aspect of American hubris regarding government medical programs. I mentioned the Tuskegee Experiment an example of what has happened here. Now evidence of the continuation of that "medical study" has emerged. Dr. John Cutler, with the U.S. Public Health Service, was involved in both experiments. The new evidence details a U.S. funded Guatemalan syphilis experiment conducted on prison inmates. So, if it can't happen here, but did, and it needs to go to another level that can't happen here, we export what can't happen here -- to Guatemala or wherever. Never say never.

The Green Eyed Monster at 87

2010-09-14T23:40:00.006-04:00

An 87 year-old Miami man shot and killed his 84 year-old girlfriend, whom he suspected of cheating on him. And then, as often happens in these cases, he failed in his suicide attempt. Yes people, it is crazy out there - and sad.

Sharks of the Potomac

2010-09-03T20:39:00.004-04:00

Swimmer or walker, they behave the same.
http://tinyurl.com/297t93r

"Documents, please"

2010-08-25T06:17:00.006-04:00

In Baltimore the "undocumented" demand a document from the police, which states the police will not demand a document from them. It is not enough that high ranking Baltimore Police officials openly say in public forums that they will not ask for documentation or enforce immigration laws, all but saying, "We are NICE, not ICE."

In Absurdistan you don't have to make this stuff up.

Tough Lit

2010-08-20T08:59:00.004-04:00

My story, A Bad Day at the Office, comes back as a reprint in a speclal "Tough Lit" issue of Adventures for the Average Woman.

BSP - Short-Story.me

2010-08-13T19:29:00.009-04:00

Ok, so it's a few weeks later than previously advertised, but my short story, Calling Cards, is now up at the Short-Story.me! webzine.

A Friday the 13th publication date fits this story.

Shameless Cross Promotion

2010-07-03T19:45:00.007-04:00

Every blog is a form of self promotion, but when other venues publish your work, shameless promotion of those publications is the symbiotic thing to do.

This month I have a triple play promtion of three very different magazines publishing my work.

Urbanite, a Baltimore magazine, has a short nonfiction piece I wrote in it's July issue under the What You're Writing section. If you are local, you can pick up a copy at one of their boxes. If you're not lucky enough to live in Baltimore, you can find it here.

Adventures for the Average Woman, out of Portland, Maine, has my crime/revenge short story, Remember Me, in it's summer issue.

Short-Story.Me a webzine for genre fiction is featuring my noir mystery short story, Calling Cards, sometime later this month.

That Could Never Happen Here.

2010-06-04T06:36:00.005-04:00

When I was a kid, way back into another century, people used to act superior to our defeated enemies in other nations. "That could never happen here," they would say about the barbaric policies and medical experiments undertaken by totalitarian regimes. Of course at the same time the Tuskegee syphilis experiment was going on here at home and states were sterilizing the "unfit" in their care, but hey, what do I know. So don't you worry about death panels. They are from the government and they are here to help you. Of course some people will believe anything. Oh, and here's a link to an article.

"It's the family, stupid."

2010-06-01T07:38:00.003-04:00

Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D.explains the domestic economy, and domestic politics too.

The Night of the Hunter

2010-04-18T02:53:00.008-04:00

I saw this classic 1955 movie for the first time last week. Charles Laughton directed Robert Mitchum, Shelley Winters and Lillian Gish in a highly stylized parable set along the Ohio River during the Depression. Filmed in black and white with dream like sets and lighting, populated by Norman Rockwell characters with serious Freudian complexes, the cinematography is done in a style that brings to mind the photographs of Baltimore’s A. Aubrey Bodine. Robert Mitchum’s creepy character, “Preacher” Harry Powell, dispatches his victims with a switchblade knife. Its sexual symbolism is so obvious that at times it was hard at times to suppress a laugh. To paraphrase Freud: “Sometimes a switchblade is just a switchblade.” The showdown between Mitchum’s murderous con man and Lillian Gish’s resolute, shotgun wielding maternal protector of orphans, who cannot be conned or cowed, caps a great film.

Healthcare Reform is a Big Fricking Deal in Maryland

2010-04-11T09:31:00.005-04:00

"Rocky road ahead for state's system of healthcare? U.S. overhaul a threat to Md. system of care." The Baltimore Sun article splains it all for Lucy and Ricky.

Better Already

2010-03-25T23:53:00.014-04:00

Now that healthcare deform has passed, I feel better already. After all, our representatives are not just from the government, they are the government, and they are there to help us. Such a well crafted piece of legislation. I'm sure Congress will jetison their own current healtcare package to get in on this "big ****ing deal." Trust eloquent Joe Biden to craft just the right phrase to describe what Congress has wrought.

Half Measures

2010-02-23T15:55:00.002-05:00

I’m told the KidsPost in today’s Washington Post is a mere half page. Shrinking to the size of the audience I suppose, half pages for half pints.

Baltimore Blizzard Baby Boom - November 2010

2010-02-10T13:26:00.003-05:00

If the Baltimore-Washington region doesn't have a Post Blizzard Baby Boom in November 2010 I will eat Frosty's magic hat. Love will find a way.

A White On White Criminal Assault By Mother Nature

2010-02-10T06:58:00.010-05:00

Back to back blizzards in the Baltimore-Washington region, with even more snow on the horizon, are beginning to feel like a crime wave of serial assaults by Mother Nature. With no sign of the usual February thaw, this month may be white from wall to wall in what is becoming the long winter of 2010. A positive side effect is the sense of neighborhood solidarity as we dig out together and life is reduced to pedestrian activities. Crime has pretty much been reduced to domestic assaults in unhappy homes with well stocked liquor cabinets.

Now We Know Where the Glaciers Disappeared To

2010-02-06T08:56:00.007-05:00

Global warming south of the Mason-Dixon line. Thunder snow, you gotta love it.

Porkers Unite!

2010-01-29T14:38:00.002-05:00

President Obama is calling for an end to partisanship and the beginning of a new world order of comity. He is apparently looking down the proverbial road paved with good intentions and seeing a glow he thinks is coming from a camp fire where everyone is singing Kumbaya. So, come on now, everybody get onboard the love train!

How Sweet It Is

2009-11-15T21:03:00.005-05:00

I had a joyful experience in DC a week ago. I drove from Baltimore with my daughter to see a play, A Flea in Her Ear, at The Source Theater at 14th and T Street. A friend of my daughter was a member of the cast. The play was great but the post play experience was the beautiful part.

I was born in Washington and grew up there, went to high school in the city and graduated in 1968, the year my mother says “the wheels came off the cart,” with the assassinations of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy. During the riots after the King assassination the 14th Street corridor was hard hit. It remained blighted for decades afterward. I had not been in that neighborhood for forty years before last Sunday.

After the show a group of us walked a few blocks north to Busboys and Poets for dinner. It was a revelation to me, a world unimaginable forty years ago. There was a thriving nightlife scene, people everywhere on the street and in the restaurants. It was as diverse, global and eclectic a mix of people you could imagine mingling peacefully and happily.

For me it was like seeing the resurrection of my hometown. It was joy to behold and experience. I rejoice in having lived to see the day.

"You lie!"

2009-09-15T18:56:00.002-04:00

Congressman Wilson accuses President Obama of lying. A case of the pol calling the kettle black.

Pig Flu Flies

2009-08-22T00:51:00.004-04:00

Health officals in Chile say that swine flu has jumped to turkeys at two farms outside the city of Valpariso, according to an AP report. Next thing you know Boss Hog will be Flying Down to Rio to do the Turkey Trot.

Rough Justice?

2009-08-18T15:28:00.012-04:00

The Bickersons have nothing on this couple. James Lewis, 85 and Rosie Lee Lewis, 71, came to blows, or at least James did, after he complained about Rosie's cooking. His cane was no match for her cast iron frying pan. He never laid a stick on her. The younger, quicker Rosie whacked him upside the head a few times to settle the issue. This could not possibly have been the first smack down face off between the couple. Rosie awaits trial on an assault with a deadly weapon charge. James ain't talkin, especially ain't talkin smack. Rosie is pictured in the linked WRAL article. James is not yet ready for his closeup. Rough justice rendered on Justice Branch Road, where the couple reside in Enfield, NC.

That Darn Cat!

2009-08-07T15:52:00.021-04:00

He probably claimed the dog ate his homework in grade school, so that one won't fly again now that he is in serious grownup trouble. Who's he gonna frame?

The cat downloaded the child porn on his computer according to Keith R. Griffin of Florida's Treasure Coast.

The SunSentinel.com, reports Griffin told detectives he would leave his computer on and his cat would jump on the keyboard. When he returned, there would be strange material downloaded.

Who you gonna believe? This guy?

Or?

Uneasy Lies The Head That Wears A Crown

2009-08-06T20:00:00.013-04:00

Decades ago, when I was a Patrolman in Baltimore, cops joked among themselves that being named Police Officer of the Year was the kiss of death, because many who received that dubious honor were in some kind of serious trouble within the year.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. This week an openly gay Broward County, Florida Sheriff's Deputy, Jonathan Bleiweiss, 29, of Fort Lauderdale, recently named employee of the year, was arrested for coercing sex from vulnerable illegal aliens.

And a woman who received the Connecticut Nursing Association's "Nurse of the Year," award in 2008 is taking the scenario to a whole new level. Betty Lichtenstein, 56, of Norwalk is not a nurse, though she did pretend to be one in a doctor's office, and there is no Connecticut Nursing Association. That didn't keep Betty from going to the trouble and $2,000 expense of creating the one member Connecticut Nursing Association and throwing herself an award banquet. She awaits her day in court.

Taras Bulba?

2009-08-05T09:34:00.005-04:00

I think Vladimir Putin has been watching too many Yul Brynner movies.

Don't Go There!

2009-08-05T00:28:00.010-04:00

Science has once again discovered something the Catholic Church has known and taught about people for centuries: temptation is harder to resist than you think. And what does the scientist recommend to resist temptation? "The bottom line," says Loran Nordgren, senior lecturer of management and organizations at the Kellogg School of Management, Northwestern University, in Illinois: "Avoid situations where such weaknesses thrive, and remember you're not that invincible."

He could have just read the Baltimore Catechism, used in Catholic grade schools in the USA before the Second Vatican Council in the early 1960s.

Question 207: What do you mean by the near occasions of sin?
Answer: By the near occasions of sin I mean all the persons, places, and things that may easily lead us into sin.

Question 772: Why are we bound to avoid occasions of sin?

Answer: We are bound to avoid occasions of sin because Our Lord has said: "He who loves the danger will perish in it"; and as we are bound to avoid the loss of our souls, so we are bound to avoid the danger of their loss. The occasion is the cause of sin, and you cannot take away the evil without removing its cause.

Love Hurts

2009-08-03T15:20:00.012-04:00

Another strange tale from the chronicles of American love. Mr. Belliveau apparently had too much time and too many women on his hands. His money would have been better spent on a pair of glasses. Three paramours and his wife lured him to a motel, where he was tied up, punched out and super glued on "other parts of his body," a euphemism heretofore unknown for the distinctive male appendage. The good news for Mr. Belliveau is that his lovers did not attend the Lorena Bobbit finishing school. We are left to wonder if any or all of the three lovers have husbands, or if they had previously made good their escapes. Then again, maybe it was all about the money.

iR Education

2009-07-28T15:33:00.006-04:00

My friend Bob, who is in the higher education business, is always exploring the new frontiers of technology in delivering the educational product. Today he ventured into to the world of webinars, and before diving into the digital dimension, prophesied that soon I will be able to attend college through my iPhone.

If only I had one.

iCollege, iDegree. iR Education.

"i’d prefer not to,” said Bartleby the Scrivener.

Last Date Lessons

2009-07-10T00:33:00.004-04:00

Among the lessons taught by Steve McNair's and Sahel Kazemi's deaths: The last date and how it ends, is a lot more important than the first date and how it begins.

A Gun Trumps A Carrot Every Time

2009-07-06T17:52:00.022-04:00

It looks like Steve McNair encountered the fury that hell hath not. Dangling the marriage carrot just out of reach while he sows wild oats usually ends for a married man when the woman he's stringing along, realizing that access to the honey trap has not weakened and lowered the arm dangling the carrot, reaches her limit of frustration and walks away. But sometimes things get ugly. Especially when the woman, already feeling aggrieved, and driving him to the love nest, is stopped and takes a ride to the station on a DUI charge, while he takes a taxi home to sleep it off. Better, he take the taxi to the station and leave the meter running until he bails her out. That’s the least he can do. It’s the little slights that spark the big fights about festering issues. When you string someone along, sometimes the string snaps and all fall down.

Tax Refund? Sorry Charlie. Here's An IOU.

2009-07-05T22:27:00.005-04:00

AP reports that states from California to Georgia are delaying tax refunds during the ongoing financial crisis. These are the same states who give tax breaks to corporations and banks to lure them to their jurisdictions. So the over-taxpaying citizen again gets the shaft, while subsidizing corporations and irresponsible government. Not that there’s anything unusual about that.

Social Security Sending Checks To The Grateful Dead

2009-07-01T16:25:00.004-04:00

Must be getting paid for their votes. Probably signed up by ACORN during the last year's voter registration drive.

When my mother-in-law died in 1975 it took two years to get SSA to stop sending checks. We had a shelf full of them in the hall closet before they stopped coming.

Hosing Your Honey - Bad! Wetting You Whistle - Good!

2009-07-01T09:36:00.035-04:00

It used to be a woman called the cops when her man came home from the bar possessed by demon rum. Now a man has attempted to exorcise demon nicotine from his woman by sprinkling her with unholy water after she came home smoking. Things degenerated into violence and the normal pattern was re-established. Wife called cops. Husband hauled to hoosegow. Ignoring Paul Simon's advice that there are fifty ways to leave your lover, many men still choose to leave by patrol car. Next time she smokes, slip out the back Jack. Go to a bar, enjoy a rum and coke in a smoke free environment.

Things Come Back To Haunt You

2009-06-27T01:22:00.006-04:00

No humor in this post, but I am pohlaxed.

The Baltimore City Paper, 6/26/09, has posted an article about the state's plan to close the only public inpatient psych treatment facility in Baltimore City.

Here is what came to my mind when I read the article.

This is right on the mark: "Not only is that detrimental to the patient, says John Burleigh, who was also a civil rights activist and friend of Walter P. Carter’s, it’s detrimental to the community. The Carter Center, he says, was created to address the unmet needs of minorities and low-income individuals in the city during a time when “many were being released from institutions, during the movement of deinstitutionalizing the mentally ill.” Many of those patients, he recalls, had few resources and ended up out on the streets. Because of their mental illnesses, these untreated patients would do things that were “socially unacceptable” and would end up incarcerated."

I was a Baltimore police officer at the time when deinstitutionalization was taking place as a result of court decisions, which said mentally ill people could not be held unless they were a danger to themselves or others. That usually translated to trying or succeeding in killing themselves or others, which usually falls under Mr. Burleigh's euphemism of "socially unacceptable" things.

The theory was that treatment would be provided at "community mental health centers.” In Irvington, where I worked, that meant a house off Frederick Road, where the patients could come and meds would be dispensed and I presume, the patients counseled. As you might guess, one of the problems with the mentally ill is that they don't like or want to take their meds. I never saw anyone go in or out of the community health office. I did arrest a number of former Spring Grove patients who did "socially unacceptable" things. My friend, Timothy Ridenour, was murdered in October 1975 by one such patient he was attempting to arrest.

That time was the beginning of the visible and intractable problem of homelessness in Baltimore.

Equal Opportunity Discrimination

2009-06-24T12:07:00.009-04:00

Within the same week, Baltimore City settled claims by black police officers that they were disciplined more harshly than white officers, and also settled a claim by a white attorney that he was discriminated against, disciplined harshly and wrongfully discharged by his black supervisors at city hall and the police department. Have we have achieved parity in racial discrimination? Parity in prejudice? Baltimore, leading the way.

Down From The Mountain

2009-06-22T21:18:00.008-04:00

I have returned to the valley of the Patapsco from sojourn on the mountain tops of the Southland. Fierce storms and power outages followed wherever I went with my people. But I heard the quiet voice in the midst of the storms and it sounds within me still. You too can hear the echoing reverberation of peace that weathers all storms by clicking here.

The Spector of Mr. Burns

2009-06-12T09:03:00.012-04:00

Is it just me, or is there a familial resemblance between Phil Spector of Hollywood and Montgomery Burns of Springfield? Twins separated at birth?

Where We Are

2009-06-10T10:32:00.004-04:00

Mark Shea, with his usual wit and wisdom, without aid from a GPS device, calculates where we are as a culture. The Return to Paganism.

Poppycock!

2009-06-09T12:39:00.010-04:00

Anyone who doubts that much of what passes for art today is crap, need only view Hugh Pocock’s scat based exhibit, My Food My Poop, at Baltimore’s Contemporary Museum.

Fortunately for all, Pocock’s exhibit uses blocks of wood as stand-ins for his excrement, with his manuscript scat log of calculations and musings on display to provide context.

In fairness to Pocock, a professor at the Maryland Institute College of Art, his scatological project is not prurient or perverse, just odd art, which is an improvement over some contemporary offerings. Itself a sad commentary on art, which once was synonymous with the concept of beauty.

My Food My Poop seems more like a high school science fair project than an art exhibit.

Rent a Rapist on Craigslist

2009-06-05T14:45:00.014-04:00

At the beginning of the current Iraq war we were told how Saddam Hussein terrorized his people with various forms or murder, mayhem and rape in order to keep them in line. After our initial “victory” there was one story I remember about a man who was captured with an ID card from Saddam’s Iraqi government whose's job description was “violation of women’s honor,” translated more freely as “rapist.”

Leave it to the unrestrained free market on Craigslist to go Saddam one worse. A man in North Carolina went shopping for someone to rape his wife at knife point and found his man on Craig’s list. The sexual assault then took place in the couple's home, while the husband watched. This was not a sex game or some fantasy of the wife. It was the husband’s sick, criminal, fantasy.

So, Craigslist could have served as an employment recruiting site for Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi government, the husband as a government recruiter, and the rapist as a hot prospect. The wife being the subject tortured and terrorized.

Once in prison hubby may find himself the one terrorized by the fulfillment of someone else’s fantasy.

I am pohlaxed and there is no humor of any kind in this.

Kill Bill -- Cross That One Off the To Do List

2009-06-04T13:30:00.014-04:00

Bill killed. David Carradine found dead in Bangkok hotel room at age 72. Looks like suicide by hanging. Was filming a movie titled Stretch. Go figure.

Since We Are Featuring Illustrations

2009-06-03T20:23:00.003-04:00

Here is a link to one at Mark Shea's blog.

A Brief History of Generation Narcissus.

Writers Act Out Too

2009-06-03T13:54:00.021-04:00

Here are a few examples from Debbie Ridpath Ohi, aka Inkygirl at http://www.inkygirl.com/.

Mr. Reaper appears to have successfully internalized the maxim: Show, don't tell. So has Inkygirl.

Food Fights -- Crazy Kids Close the Family Circle of Lunacy

2009-06-02T18:12:00.013-04:00

Feckless fathers, malicious mothers, and now matricidal and patricidal offspring complete the family circle with fatal food fights. A son in Cecil County, Maryland couldn't quite finish off his mother with the aluminum baseball bat he used to beat her. But he did keep Mom from finishing off the french fries she refused to share with him. A daughter in Detroit proved more deadly over a dinner roll that Dad denied her. She shot her father several times and also stabbed him after he ate left overs she was saving for herself. He was able to call police for help before he expired from his wounds.

Enough of this family fun.

What Doesn't Connecticut Understand About the First Amendment?

2009-06-02T10:36:00.008-04:00

Apparently a lot. The state that allows it's judges to rewrite laws, constitutional, legislative and natural, with impunity, while its legislators sit on their thumbs, is now demanding the Catholic Church register as a lobbyist organization.

And some people still believe State tyranny "can't happen here."

Yeah, right!

Equal Opportunity Idiocy

2009-06-01T23:30:00.013-04:00

Having previously commented on pathetic paternal parenting, an opportunity to comment on malicious maternal manipulation now presents itself in the person of 51-year-old Cynthia White Roberson of Phoenix , Arizona. Ms. Roberson, finding herself unemployed, became a life coach for four boys, two her 12 and 14 year old sons, and three young men. With maternal solicitude she coached and goaded them in a life of crime including twenty assaults and robberies in Phoenix and Glendale since April. What are the chances of this fire bird's offspring rising from the ashes of the maternal nest? It is, sometime, a great and strange gift, when a mother can help her sons live up to the family name.

Researchers Discover Nothing New

2009-05-28T20:37:00.013-04:00

Breaking News!

In a shocking old development, researchers with too much of our money have discovered what every beat cop since the first police department was formed knows: That most men (and women) arrested are under the influence of drugs.

In the study cited by USA Today, only illegal drugs were counted and they arrived at the fifty percent figure. I will bet that a substantial number of that fifty percent as well as another forty percent, were also under the influence of that once, but not at the moment, illegal drug, alcohol.

I can attest that nearly every time I placed myself at risk of arrest I was under the influence. And later, when I was doing the arresting, ninety percent of everyone I presented with the bracelets was intoxicated by one or more drug. A good number of the other ten percent were the mentally ill, who were not under the influence of drugs because they refused to take those prescribed for them.

It's good to know those science guys are out in front on this, since we are now to be lead into the future utopia by science. It may be slow in coming, but I predict that scientists, our new priests, after many extensive and expensive studies, will discover that men and women are different.

And I Thought My Parents Were Only Subversive, Not Criminals

2009-05-28T16:46:00.004-04:00

I always knew my parents were subversive, but I never suspected them of being criminals. Of course they never lived in San Diego County. And the criminal goal posts are being moved about quite regularly in recent years. It turns out the Bible Study group they had in their home for years would be a criminal offense in San Diego. The fact that everyone knows Catholics don’t do Bible Study would have made their activities even more suspicious. What were they really doing with that mixed race, age, gender and religion group in their home all those years?

Baltimore Brew

2009-05-27T09:41:00.003-04:00

Now that most of The Baltimore Sun has been flushed down the Patapsco by its media masters in Chicago, other local digital options are popping up, usually staffed by former Sun employees. Here is one of Baltimore Brew's recent articles on modern parenting that makes a baby boomer nostalgic and grateful to parents who did not hover, but kicked you out of the house unless it was raining or meal time.Over the top parenting in Baltimore.

A Favor Returned to Mark Shea - Behold the Spam of God!

2009-05-25T19:36:00.009-04:00

Last week, Mark Shea, a well known Catholic convert and author of books, articles and blogs, put a link to Pohlaxed in his blog, Catholic and Enjoying It! The result was more hits in two days than Pohlaxed had gotten in its entire few weeks of of existence prior to the link Mark posted.

Obviously, I can't help him as much as he has helped me, but a little promotion on his behalf is in order. You can link to his blog by clicking on the name in the text above.

And here I offer a link to one of his articles on Catholic Exchange, Behold the Spam of God!

Thanks Mark.

A Lingering Problem Resolved

2009-05-24T22:27:00.016-04:00

I wouldn't call it group therapy, but recently one mentally disturbed person in China helped another resolve a lingering problem. AP reports that Lai Jiansheng, a 66 year old resident of Guangzhou in southern China, was on his way to a hospital to get a refill of pills he has been taking for decades to treat a mental illness. Meanwhile at the Haizhu bridge, Chen Fuchao, had held up traffic for hours, threatening to jump to his death. A failed construction project had left him deeply in debt. He was the twelfth person since April to attempt suicide from the bridge. That's a lot of traffic jams for everybody else in the area trying to get on with life rather than end it.

Lai Jiansheng had had enough of this selfish behavior. And he needed his meds. So, he approached the police and offered to talk to Chen. His offer was declined, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He broke through the police line, climbed up to Chen, shook his hand, gave him a shove, and saluted him as he took a dive.

Fortunately, the police had already inflated a jumper bag beneath the bridge. Chen survived the fall and was taken to hospital with spine and elbow injuries. One can surmise he got there before Mr. Lai, who, now detained by police, rather than Mr.Chen's irresolute bridge perching, arrived even later for his medication refill.

A Poor Judge of Character

2009-05-19T22:37:00.012-04:00

And you thought the Sheriff of Nottingham was a smarmy twit in the movies. In a decision that would make your mother cry, Judge Jonathan Teare, of Nottingham, England, said he would spare a father jail because of his "excellent character." The judge believed the father did not mean any harm to his 14 year old son, when he took the boy for a ride in the red light district to pick out a "present." The "present," chosen to dispose of the boy's virginity, turned out to be a female police officer working under the cover name Sarah. The kid will be nervous asking a girl to dance after this outing. Or he might develop a handcuff fetish.

Somebody, maybe Officer Sarah, ought to handcuff the judge, lead him out of the courtroom, and show him a good time.

The kid's old man hasn't even mastered his own pickup technique. He was arrested before, less than a year ago, when soliciting a present for himself. He'll probably take the kid to the sewers of London to teach him how to swim. No harm meant of course.

This sure wasn't what my mother and father called a character building experience. But I'll bet Flannery O'Connor could have made a short story out of it.

Convergent Streams of Consciousness

2009-05-19T16:18:00.023-04:00

My friend, Bob Moriarty, sent me a note:

"Does everything eventually fit together?

I often dip into the National Museum of the American Indian. I am into Navajos; my step daughter is into Manga and Anime. Today I saw an exhibit of the confluence of Indians and comic books. Apparently comic books are often the first literature that circulates among those who don't read English or one an other's language yet. The story telling fits right into Indian customs. Captain America is sort of an Indian. They like and hate how they are portrayed in comics. Their pottery design has been influenced by comic book art. Who woulda thunk it?"

Into my mind spring two thoughts:

Flannery O'Connor's short story, Everything That Rises Must Converge. O'Connor wrote very dynamic, violent stories that seem in the context of this conversation almost like literary versions of the graphic novel stories of today.

And:

Stained glass windows --the cosmic comic books of the Church in the age of general illiteracy.

Our friend, Mike Dolan, chimes in:

"We of course must remember the legendary Turok, Son of Stone and his brother, Andar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turok) whose Dell Comics adventures enlivened my youth by combining two of boyhood's favorite ingredients: Indians and dinosaurs."

After that, thoughts began to degenerate until Dolan brought us to the present state of comic national affairs:

"I always wanted to be like Uncle Scrooge and swim in the Money Cube, spitting silver dollars like water."

Good Concert -- Bad Car

2009-05-15T23:56:00.005-04:00

Went to the Soulful Symphony Motown Concert Friday night at the Myerhoff. Awesome concert. The car that wouldn't start in the garage afterward - awful. At least it was nice spring evening, not a frigid Friday in February. Fortunately, my daughter was also there with her own car. We jump-started my car with my cables. Great daughter. The non-starter car is nine years old and just over 100,000 miles. A more incredible coincidence is that I just made the last payment on the wife's car Friday afternoon. I am hoping the problem with my car is just a dead battery. After I got it home and in the driveway, it would not start again. Please, let it be just the battery.

Alleluia! Just the battery. It was the factory original AC Delco. Lasted nine years.

When “plainly states” doesn't mean plainly states.

2009-05-15T11:58:00.007-04:00

Yesterday U.S. News & World Report magazine announced James Dobson’s “political surrender.” Dobson, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of “utter evil” flowing from the bilge pumps of government, in his broadcast on May 14th 2009, according to Dan Gilgoff, “plainly states that the only way for Christians to start winning again politically is for the GOP to regain power.” I found it odd that among the quotes chosen by Gilgoff, Dobson’s plainly stated endorsement of the GOP was missing. Hmmm. So I went and listened to the podcast of Dobson’s May 14th, 2009 program. You can too, by clicking here. Never heard the words GOP or Republican Party. Not that I think Dobson is a Democrat. I guess Gilgoff was obliged to “plainly state” his interpretation of what Dobson did not “plainly state.”

Primary sources – gotta love ‘em. Gilgoff isn’t one.

What? No MIC for the white, African American guy?

2009-05-13T09:11:00.012-04:00

According to an AP report at DailyRecord.com, Paulo Serodio, a white man born in Mozambique, who later came to America and obtained citizenship, became the object of discrimination and was even assaulted after describing himself to a professor and classmates as a "white, African American" while in a class at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey . He so offended some of his classmates and the administration that after having derisive flyers posted on campus, his car vandalized, and himself assaulted, he finally was suspended for "conduct unbecoming" a student. This must be the penalty for poaching minority identity credits in Dr. King's forest. The inevitable lawsuit has followed. No place at the MIC Market for this guy, except as a buyer of credits.

Minority Identity Credits - The MIC Market - An Idea Whose Time Has Come

2009-05-12T07:01:00.033-04:00

ABC News is reporting that the Boston trolley driver, who was texting when s/he drove his trolley into the rear of another (there's some grist for the double-entendre humor mill), is a transgendered male, that's a female to male wannabe or transgendered FTM for the uninitiated, hired as a transgender minority.

Does that count as a twofer in state and federal minority hiring stats? They must have scouts out looking for a black Hispanic FTM transgendered. Such a fourfer might make a Boston-area transit authority HR compliance officer swoon. That might be enough Minority Identity Credit to make people forget the current identity credit hire in the news.

In an effort to create some progressive street cred, I offer a modest proposal: the establishment of a market for Minority Identity Credit, hereafter known as the MIC Market. In this market anyone having, or claiming, a minority identity can sell their credits to those in need of minority cred. So, for example; white males, being in default position on the minority credit market, would go to the MIC Market to buy black, Hispanic, female or mixed-gender identity credits from those who have them.

There could be specialized MIC markets for race, cultural or gender credits. A market open to all segments of the MIC community would be an Open MIC market. Evening market hours could be referred to as Open MIC Nights. Female specific evening market events could be called Ladies' MIC Nights, or Bent MIC Nights for those with transgender credits to offer, and so forth.

I believe that my idea is the path to the future in our country's current identity credit crisis. We just can't go forward giving white males credit. They must pay their way, their fair share, buy in equity. "De fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in our white jeans." Or something like that.

AIG might want to get into the Minority Identity Credit Default Swap business. I understand they've had some experience in a closely related credit default swap market.

Dead Woman Walking: The Character Assassination of Sister Carrie Prejean

2009-05-11T17:56:00.016-04:00

Are you paying attention to this. It is supposed to be an object lesson to you if you happen to believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman. What is happening to Carrie Prejean is a love crime perpetrated by those whose love can't stop shouting its name, and demands that you shout it too. Say it loud or you'll be cowed. Just agree and you'll be free.

Of course if you are President Obama, you get to get a pass, and can keep your crown, even if you said the same thing Carrie Prejean said. Maybe they think candidate Obama wasn't sincere in what he said, but was only saying what he needed to say to get those mainstream votes.

Have you learned your lesson? To be free or not to be? That is the question.

I'm down with the Prez on this.

2009-05-08T08:19:00.002-04:00

Spicy or Djon mustard.

Birthday Story

2009-05-06T20:29:00.009-04:00

Today is my birthday. Let's just say I'm over 55 and under 60. I called my mother to wish her a happy birthing day. She has seven of those. I was the second. She told me the story. In late April or very early May the doctor decided I needed to be induced. So, early on the appointed day, my mother arrived at the hospital, where her maternity dress was taken, rolled up in a ball and thrown in the corner before she was given a dose of Castor oil and an orange to cleanse her palate. Yum. Then the labor inducing IV drip was administered. Inside, I chanted, " Hell no, I won't go!" I knew a good thing when I was in it, and I wasn't vacating the premise. All they induced were a few minor contractions.

That evening, after work, my father arrived at the hospital expecting to visit with Mom and the new baby. The stork flight had been delayed and Mom was discharged. Dad offered to take her out to dinner, but she was mortified by the crumpled state of her less than haute couture dress. Upon arrival at home, Dad's breakfast dishes were still in the sink. He wasn't expecting company that night. No mention was made of where my year old brother was. Must have been with the grandparents.

A few days later, when I realized the gig was finally up, I slipped out. I was the smallest baby Mom had until my youngest sister, Claudia, eight years later. Claudia is still tiny, but Mom said she thought I was the cutest thing when I arrived. So there!

Flu Tube

2009-05-05T00:37:00.014-04:00

Pig farmers seem more upset about the Swine Flu name than I remember chicken and turkey farmers being about the Avian Flu. Maybe the bird men of A la carte understand that fewer people know avian means bird. It's all the same to the birds and the pigs. They're dead meat, no matter how you slice it. The next group to get upset may be Internet people. With round the clock flu coverage it is inevitable that someone will set up a FluTube site hoping viral advertising will increase their market share. YouTube will demand their customers be inoculated.

Meanwhile, in couplets:
Pork producers pray
Pig Flu flies -- away.

Pohlaxed by pulchritude

2009-05-02T23:55:00.001-04:00

Miss California is more of a man than Perez Hilton will ever be. He never could have been a contender.

Pohlaxed. Let me look that up in my thesaurus.

2009-05-02T20:56:00.003-04:00

Pohlaxed by little green people armed with thesauruses set on "pohlaxe."

Pohlaxed by The Baltimore Sun

2009-05-02T19:59:00.007-04:00

Early this week I wrote a letter to the editor of The Baltimore Sun. The next morning I received a call from the letters editor at the paper to confirm my identity as the member of the lunatic fringe who had contacted them. This was quickly established and he informed me that my letter would be published later in the week.

Well, that never happened. It seems the letters editor got pohlaxed directly and I along with my letter got pohlaxed by proxy. The letters editor was among 61 Sun editors and staffers laid off that very afternoon.

I had no choice but to start this blog.

Pohlaxing. It is better to give than receive, but usually I get pohlaxed first.

2009-05-02T19:11:00.002-04:00

This is a blog about the craziness in the world that leaves me pohlaxed, and my non-violent way of pohlaxing back.

The current state of affairs in America and the world provides a target rich environment. Of course many among my family, friends, co-workers, government, and enemies probably feel the same about me.

So, let the pohlaxing begin!